I have been down lately. And stressed, so dang stressed! There just doesn’t seem enough time to do everything! I have to do well in school and lately it feels like I don’t even care anymore. But I know that I do because I still get stressed about it. Math. I hate math. I always feel that I am doing it right, and then I get the worst grade in the class. And it’s like, oh, what happened? I can’t explain it to my genius friend, grumpy and rude math teacher that doesn’t care about us or like us or my parents that…. Expect the best but say that it is ok if I don’t do that well as long as I am trying my hardest. What a joke. The thing that gets me is, I am not even in high school yet! And I want to go to the hardest school in the state when middle school is giving me such grief? Ha! What the hell am I thinking? The interview this Saturday? I am going to fail it. I am the worst at interviews! At being in the spot light. At talking. But I know that it is all in my head. Or is it? I know that i suck at interviews but it’s like the little train that could! Oh gosh, I really am that childish!
Anyways, I have just been having these.. Gloomy days! I go to bed energized and spend the entire day dead on my feet! I just say that I am tired, but I am worried. I have been having lazy, sleepy day after day. I once said that you have to change something about yourself if you are unhappy. How stupid that was. I don’t know what to change. I already cut my hair, practically failed math and refused to say some speech. I don’t know what to do anymore. And blogging. I want to write inspiring posts but I guess that I am selfish because all I can ever think about posting is stuff about my day and what I am feeling like. This is not a diary, what am I doing? I don’t know what I am doing. I just don’t know anymore. I can’t wait to change schools. New environment, new me. New friend and new teachers who teach new classes. More homework and stress. College and life on my own in the future. But I am scared. It took me 1 and a quarter to want a change. I couldn’t get out of my other school fast enough. What am I going to do in high school? I’ve had people tell me it will be the best or worst years of my life. I don’t know what too believe.
Not too mention that I am stuck in my head all day! Does anyone else read a book and not be able to get the characters out of your head? So you create fanfiction in your head and rewrite the ending? Or create one if the book hasn’t had the ending written yet? Well, I do and I can’t get myself out of these stories. Reality is boring. I can’t wait to go to a bigger school. I love my friends but I have 14 kids in my class and almost know everyone in the school. The prospect of meeting someone new everyday sounds wonderful. I can’t even imagine it.
Thanks for reading this, I just have this feeling and I can’t shake it. I am getting lost in the fictional world, and a part of me doesn’t mind. I drift through life and that scares me. It scares me that I can hardly remember anything about my day because I was hardly there. Have a good day and week! Have any interview tips? 🙂