I have never been a particularly confident person. I was never the first person to raise my hand. Never one to share my opinion. And for a long time, I thought that will always be who I am. That I will always be in the background of life. That I have a reason to fear talking to people, even if it is to ask for help. I don’t even like talking to people at bookstores, if the book isn’t here, it isn’t here.
Well, lately that has been bothering me. I want to be a confident person. I want to wear whatever I want, not caring what others will think of me. I want to not compare myself, ‘cause I am perfect. I want to think like that, I do. I want to be confident, and to be totally in control of my life. I want to be that girl from so many books. To be that girl who goes out and kicks ass. Not the girl in the background watching the action. I don’t want to be a spectator in my own life.
That is easier said than done. It is hard to talk to people. It is hard to fix awkward silences. It is hard to not care about what others think of you. What if they are right? It is hard to change the person you have always been. (For more information on this, read my review on This Song Will Save Your Life.) In so many ways it is easier to just sit back and let life pass you by.
I don’t want that for myself. I want to live my life to the fullest. Lately I have taken to thinking, I do have the right to be here. I am going to go talk to that person. I am going to walk into this room with my head held up high. I am the only one who sees all of my imperfections. I may not believe it right now, but sometimes I can get myself to do something that I never would have done before. Someday I will believe in it.
Looking back I am amazed at how far I have come. Two years ago, I wouldn’t be able to recognize the girl that I am now. I would have wondered if aliens had come to take over everyone’s minds.
I say stupid stuff, I know that. What I am not going to do is let that stop me from talking. From starting a conversation. I have the right to be in this bookstore, I am just going to go talk to that person. I am going to the front of that classroom and I am going to present this project that I worked really hard on, and it is going to be good.
I am not the most confident person, I probably never will be. But I am trying. I am doing my best, and at the end of the day thats what matters. I am going to live without regrets for not doing that thing I really wanted to. Thats how life should be.